Suicide

Now trust me when I tell you I also know the joy of overcoming these feelings

The joy of living again, rebuilding a life you thought was lost.

The relief to finally understand that when people said it can & will get better....they weren't just saying it

Sometimes nothing is ever easy, sometimes it swamps & overwhelms you so much...you simply can't see past it

But where there is still life there is always hope 

But the change has to start within your own mind

You will have set backs, you will get knocked back down

That's apart of living too

You are not alone, you are not the only one

There is only one decision that you can't change 

Only one decision that has no flexibility 

Only one decision you can never come back from

That decision is permanent...nothing else is fixed

Everything else can be changed, reworked, remade or restarted 

It may not be how you planed it to start with but life is full of endless possibilities

The only thing truly stopping us from moving forward...is ourselves 

Suicide should never ever be an option

"You don't really want to end your life...just the pain you are experiencing" 

This is not the way, it's really not. So many better options waiting to be discovered. 

Change is the only way forward

Take the steps you need to today to accept & embrace the new life that's waiting for you <3

Eating Disorder part 2

I really hope you can take something good from this J

How to deal with triggers, instead of hiding from them?

They are everywhere so what can we do to desensitize & overcome them until we build the strength to not let them trigger us?
We focus on the fear of, rather than a solution to... 

Well for a start everyone is different and has different triggers, so first of all, know your triggers

Don't focus on them, a trigger is something to blame for your actions, don't give them that power over you

Eg my triggers were numbers 

Don't let triggers be your excuse to continue the bad behaviours you have learned
Start unlearning & relearning now
You taught/convinced yourself of the bad you can turn it around and start teaching yourself some good
Be warned it is harder to learn to be positive but it is worth it for the end result
A life of satisfaction, happiness & empowering yourself verses a life filled with self-loathing, self-harm and despair
Which will you choose?

No calorie counting, you can eat healthy without numbers, learn what healthy eating is, but don't obsess over it...your body needs healthy and so does your brain
Indulging is something yummy every so often is not a crime so stop punishing yourself

No scales...it's not important how much you weigh as long as you are comfortable, once every 6 months at dr's is more than enough... I let my clothes guide me if they're a bit snug, eat healthier...if they are falling off me...eat bit of extra

No measuring... Again let your clothes be the judge...if it feels a bit snug there could be many different reasons, not weight gain!

Water retention, period, bloating/constipation 
Don't focus on clothing size eg not everything that says size 10 is size 10...different makes/styles fit differently 

Mirrors...don't linger, quick check..walk away
it's not needed...I look fine, I don't need to stand there wasting time critiquing myself 

I've had to train myself away from all that & in doing so when I do see scales in a store I mostly ignore them now...it's not always easy but it's about controlling the disorder not letting it control you, you have to learn that...I have been successfully following these steps for 20 plus years now 
It won't happen quickly so be patient with yourself 
If you jump on the scales 100 times a day, tomorrow aim for 99...baby steps....but every time you fight that urge you are winning 
Every time you walk away...smile and give yourself a mental pat on the back because you deserve it, the numbers no longer rule you & you are one step further ahead than you were yesterday  :) 

Consequences

There will always be consequences to your actions
Some good, some bad
Some decisions can have a massive impact on others 
Your actions have the potential to build relationships or destroy them 
But what you need to remember is that you created the situation 
You and you alone made the decision that led you to where you are now
You need to take responsibility for it not blame others when it doesn't work for you 
We can't control how others react only what we do 
So think before you decide to do something, think of the consequences not only for yourself but what it may do to others & the relationships you have with them 
Sometimes it's not just about you! 

Change

Change can be hard and frightening for some however there is never any gain without hard work resilience and endurance 
There is no shame in having things go wrong in your life, the only shame is in not doing all in your power to fix it

Sounds harsh I know but it's true. You have the power and ability within yourself

Is it time for you  to stop trying and start actively doing? 

Never be afraid to seek help & support if it's needed 

Above all

Believe in yourself <3

Always move forward

My thoughts are sometimes black, like a bottomless hole, I can see no solid ground. 



I sometimes feel lost floating in the shadows of my mind. I'd rather not taint the world around me by sharing these things











































BUT...



















At the start of each new day, I try 
to remind myself it's a chance for new beginnings for brighter thoughts to be born & created  with the rising of the sun  I am hopeful...forever hopeful that the darkness will fade away again...

Religion...eh it's not for everyone!

Ok so we all know & hear about the bad things in regard to some religions
I honestly probably see more of this than I do the good things or people posting about the good things to be honest
We live in a world where many people think religion has no place anymore

Many young people seem to feel if you follow a religion you must be narrow minded & blind...sometimes that can be the case, there's no denying it
But when you ask them why?
Some of the things they say are in fact living by the Old Testament which, let's face it is pretty brutal..it is & as it should be a thing of the past....history...long done away with for the most part

If they understood a true Christians purpose & faith they would probably relies the values, morals etc are more closely related to to their own than not

Yes there is still room for change in a lot of organized religions with some even taking this on board...more power to them
The new pope seems like a pretty rad dude
I like him

There has been some awful corruption & some terrible things done in organized religion over the years, in some religions it's still going on but that can be said for anything....police, schools, families just about anyone & anything is open to corruption
That's human nature, not the religion or organization itself, & most normal religious people are horrified at the history of some churches but I say again that is the person & the choices they make & to blindly follow in the footsteps of corruption makes a pretty tragic person

But like life in general some things should not be tolerated, worshiped, or followed...change is happening as these organizations learn to grow & "catch up" it just may be slow in some cases but hey at least they are willing for change

I ask you though if you are one of those that has a zero tolerance to all religions....what does that make you?
Are you not just like those religious fanatics that try to push the word of god onto everyone?

Hmmm something to consider, yes?

Don't tar all religions with the one brush...or all Christians as one mindless flock there is good & bad in everything.

Maybe educate yourself properly, talk to different people from different religions before making a biased judgment based on what others say or what you've read
& above all respect someone else's views even if they may be different to yours.
Religious & non religious alike...let's strive for equality

As long as they aren't trying to force you to join them, who are you to force your opinion onto them & tell them they are stupid?
Sure they can follow some pretty stupid views in my eyes...but that could be said of a lot of things

Not all religions are the same, not all religious people hold the same blind views
& some people take real comfort from what some religions have to offer them
Where do you think most organized charities spring from?

They can do a lot of good as well...remember that

I don't like it when religious people try to tell me my views are wrong or that their religion is the only right way
but I equally don't like it when narrow minded people who don't understand faith pick on, ridicule or put down someone for their religious beliefs
This was written because I've seen a bit of religion bashing lately, it might be worth stepping back & looking at yourself first
I'm not saying you should or shouldn't follow a religion all I'm saying is it's not all bad and maybe do your research before you go hating on it and it's followers...

Peace, Love  & Joy to all <3

Relationships & common courtesy

I just don't understand some people and the casual way they approach relationships/friendships these days.
Or the disregard they have for either their own relationships or that of others
The commitment level is half hearted at best, it's just so laid back and whatever....

A lot of the young people I have contact with have mentioned this as a problem for them

People can really hurt another's feelings & quiet badly just through non communication or just plain not thinking about how your actions can affect others.

Does anyone stop to think about how they might feel if a situation was reversed & what it is they would expect from a partner or friend?

Maybe try it next time, put yourself in someone else's shoes, doing that, you may be saving someone's feelings from being hurt & save them a lot of anguish
It's not that hard is it?

For example 

If you know someone is in a relationship but you only invite them to your party/gathering, not their partner, have you stopped & thought about it & the effect it can have on the partner or your friend? 

Don't just assume they will think their partner is invited too

Have you had a think about how awkward you may be making your friend feel by making them ask...ummm is my partner invited too?
Maybe they are afraid to ask because...what if you said No! 

What could your reason be for not inviting them in the first place? You know I have a partner.....Hmmm awkward much?
I've had to do this & it's a really uncomfortable feeling

I know I wouldn't hesitate to ask if my partner was invited & if they weren't then I simply would not go...what ever your reason, I would respect my partners feelings more than I would respect you at that point

Even if you don't like said partner it's the respect for your friend that should matter. 

How much do you value your friend? 

So if you happen to invite someone out make sure you let them know it includes their partner as well even if you haven't meet their partner yet, it's common courtesy yeah? 

If you find yourself in a position where you have to ask if you can bring your partner maybe just accept the invitation and say, yes I & ......./or my partner, will be there, especially if they know you have a partner.

because it could be just be an over site on your friends part.

I'm not talking plus ones that's an entirely different thing, you don't want everyone bringing along some random, it is common courtesy to ask for that....but in my eyes a partner is not a plus one.

There is however no excuse for bad manners by excluding someone! 

Modern Society, what's it coming to?

Just because you can, does not mean you should! 

I see a lot of young people complain about society and the way they are treated
But then I see the same people using degenerative behaviour, posting or liking derogatory things on social media because they think it's funny, sexually objectifying themselves for reason I don't even know or comprehend 
Gender bashing & stereotyping....labelling absolutely everything and anyone 
It seems they have no limits or boundaries on themselves nor do they care or consider the opinions of others
This is a society based on and living by phrases & quotes such as...

'Yolo'
'I do what I want'
'I won't sensor myself to comfort your ignorance'

Using these phrases to justify your actions 
Huh? Isn't that just ignorance in itself? 

We as a society have definitely moved forward in many ways but I find a lot of behaviours & choices quiet primitive & set us back as a whole
They strive to be...What? Different? Stand out?
You know in the end we are all the same...equality right? 
Well some people definitely stand out. But not in a good way 

I see a lot of girls lately sooking up about male (meathead) behaviours but then they post things that totally fuels & encourages that meathead standard...not doing much for the female movement or equality 

Then you have the meatheads that will like it, like a little boy discovering porn for the first time & sharing with his buddies who in turn like it... in effect only encouraging the person to post more.
Not doing much to prove you're not what society thinks you are 

Vicious cycle! 

So I ask you this, as social media is such a big part of life now
what are you contributing to society? 
Does it have the potential to bring more degeneration into this world we live in or the potential to make a difference? 
Should you question yourself? 
How are you portraying yourself?
More importantly
What example are you setting for future generations to follow? 
Is it good or bad & should you care? 
Because yolo! 

Take a look in the mirror because you ARE society & how you're treated is a reflection of how you treat others & how you portray yourself to the world

So basically own you're on crap, ask yourself how am I coming across to be treated this way? 
How can I change it? 
& if you see your friends being meatheads or doing something they should think twice about...don't be afraid to call them out...but in a productive way...you may just give them a different perspective on their behaviour

Think before you post.

I'm finding Social media is bit like reality tv sometimes....it relies on ratings but it's not real life! 
People get sucked in by the "what can I post to get the most likes" it becomes a focus an obsession

I'm not seeing much socializing these days just a whole lot of meaningless drivel & insubstantial post/photos 
Have we lost our basic communication skills, in our quest for likes or gaining internet validation? 
Wasn't social media created for the purpose of communicating? 

For the record I like reading/seeing what you have posted about your day & what you've been up to & No, I don't find it boring at all I enjoy it when you tell me what you had for lunch or you've had a run in with our wonderful public transport system, out with a friend or what you've been making or creating 
I'm interested in what you are doing, I'm interested in you

I'm not going to apologize for not wanting to see porn/nudes/semi nudes whatever in my news feed...there are other places to find that if I was of a mind to
It doesn't need to be on social media

No I'm not a prude or ignorant nor am I uncomfortable with the naked human body
Just time & place is all I'm saying & I don't think social media is it
Life is all about boundaries ones that are there & ones we create for ourselves 
Without them, society becomes chaos

Has me wondering who has actual substance these days.

Eating Disorder Part 1

Feeling like a third party observer

This is based on conversations I have had recently with a young friend experiencing the effects of eating disorder. 

To have Patience is so hard but the road to recovery is neither short nor easy

There will be periods in your life where you may relapse, that’s ok

Acceptance and acknowledgment is the key. Once we accept that we have done this to ourselves and why…and acknowledge that it’s not good for you…..your recovery process can begin.

You are only fighting yourself here, remember that.

I get it, I really do the constant argument you have with yourself...you feel like a third party sometimes listening while mind and body battle it out *sigh you detach yourself from it

It can be such a torment living like this but it’s not just your torment, it’s a torment for everyone who has ever cared about you

They can support, love and encourage but in the end they are utterly helpless, powerless and hopeless over this too

Yes it's normal to feel that way in your current mindset for a lot of people 

Your poor little body is scared, the mind is acting all superior & honestly it's being a bully to your body, & you’re allowing it, so your body is afraid to ask for what it needs, you’re afraid to give your body what it needs because mind says some really horrible things...they aren't working together anymore.

They aren't a team.

Who you are is someone on the outside looking in

They need to find balance again where everyone is happy and safe.

Would you stand up to others being bullied?

So why allow it with in yourself.

What the hell does mind know anyway about what’s right and wrong at the moment because let’s face it, right now mind is unstable, mind can sometimes be a real idiot don’t you think?

 Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies as well. Mind isn't always right.

Oh it’s not that easy, I know.

Gaining back control of the mind is one of the hardest things we ever have to face no matter what the issue may be.

The mind is a powerful tool, for good and bad

Only you can control it though, only you can accomplish this.

I guess your body is feeling sad because you’re not listening to its needs anymore & disregarding how it feels in favor of mind, it is just not accepting of food
Body wants to help, by every now and then maybe craving for sustenance, letting you know it still needs you, but you give it and then take it back or you just don’t give it at all

So body keeps quiet
You could give body just one grain of rice and mind will say it's wrong but only because you’re not paying complete attention to it anymore, you are starting to focus on getting body well again mind is losing control of the situation, so says nasty things...mind is being a bit selfish but you believe it

Not sure how we get to that point...for some of us it’s unintentional for others it’s a calculated quest
Maybe mind wasn't doing so well at one point & needed more attention, love & focus.
Somewhere along the way we forgot about body & because mind is the more dominant & we often take body for granted things like this happen
But it's ok, it's something we can fix and work on

With the right tools in place, the correct strategies and most of all a good support team, believe me when I tell you this is an achievable thing.

One of the best tool’s you will ever have is the power of positive thinking.

I cannot emphasize how important self-talk is.

You are already doing it, do you realize?

Look at how good you are at it; you have convinced your mind that this is how it should be only.... it’s negative

It’s time to stop holding yourself apart from the battle and letting mind do what it wants to body, it’s time for you to step up and take back control bring it all back in balance

So now instead of convincing yourself of the bad things you need to turn that around and focus on telling yourself the good things, over and over and over, never stop with the positive reinforcement

Believe me this will be your most powerful weapon but it will take time to repair all the damage so again patience is needed, and baby steps 

FOOD IS NOT THE ENEMY

We need to repair our relationship with food.

Just only what you can comfortably hold, no more for now is what I would suggest, small light meals but nourishing, like soup or fruit & reassure mind its ok & mind can't survive without body so they better start getting along 

But honestly if you over eat or try to force your poor abused stomach to hold more than it can, you will only resent it later on and want to get rid of it

Your body needs to be trained to take food and this can’t be rushed
numbers are the enemy here and how we let them control us…the number on the scales, the amount of calories we consume…the sizing on our clothes…

Depending on how sever & what stage your disorder is…

EXERCISE IS NOT AN ENEMY EITHER

Maybe do some light stretching, yoga or something just for now nothing drastic or strenuous. It doesn't need to be

No cardio...it’s about you gaining back your control with your mind, not punishing your body & running it into the ground

That way you can tell yourself you're doing something good for your body which you will be but not going overboard or putting too much strain on it & you will be doing something productive for your mind.
But it's all about limits even if it's only 5 mins you tell yourself it's enough & you did good…& you stick to it.

Change that rigorous body bashing mindset that you have

Would it be too much for you & can you control it?
Maybe just think about it for now...be gentle with yourself ask you’re Dr or mental health teams advice, always…you are number one & you do deserve to be, it’s the only number you should be concerned with

Just remember your body is your vehicle through life & you need to take care of it
Without your body.....well mind doesn't have any way to get around does it?

Your body does a lot for you and gets you around...you need to respect it & so does mind... Hmmm cliché I know but it's true, I have learnt.

I am not a health professional and I can’t replace that, professional help is so important & imperative to your recovery. Listen to them, I cannot stress that enough… my words are just from my experience and from speaking with others….everyone is different

Baby steps, don’t rush it.

It takes time to find a good balance and what works for you

There is so much more to this subject and I could write for hours.

I actually still have a plan set in place just in case I ever need it; I have been in recovery now for over 20 years with only one relapse to date

Part of my success is:

I do not own a set of scales nor will allow them in the house; this only promotes and encourages the obsessive behavior/habits that it took so long to break

I do watch what I eat but I also enjoy my food now, I am sensible about the need for food and I enjoy indulging occasionally - guilt free

I do not count calories

I do not allow myself to stand in front of the mirror and critique, a quick outfit check and I’m out the door or if I am feeling a little crap I skip it altogether…it’s not necessary

All of this I had to learn and it was hard, very hard, learning new behaviors and changing yourself is a really difficult thing to do.

Don’t ever give up or say it’s too hard; you made you this way so you also have the power to undo it.

Nothing worth having in life is ever easy, so suck it up, because fixing it starts with you.  You can do this  <3

One of my favorites

I try to remember this =)

 

What is a best friend?

Always there as much as they can be & lets me know if they can't.

Non-judgmental even if they don't like the things I do.

Stands by you, good or bad.

Let's you make your own decisions, even if they don't agree (but will let you know fully why)

Gives you advise or suggestions but doesn't TELL you what you should or shouldn't do, just so you can think on it from another perspective.

Doesn't let others influence them when it comes to your friendship.

Doesn't play petty mind games with you....communication, honesty, trust, respect! 

Best friends are hard to find.