Relationships & common courtesy

I just don't understand some people and the casual way they approach relationships/friendships these days.
Or the disregard they have for either their own relationships or that of others
The commitment level is half hearted at best, it's just so laid back and whatever....

A lot of the young people I have contact with have mentioned this as a problem for them

People can really hurt another's feelings & quiet badly just through non communication or just plain not thinking about how your actions can affect others.

Does anyone stop to think about how they might feel if a situation was reversed & what it is they would expect from a partner or friend?

Maybe try it next time, put yourself in someone else's shoes, doing that, you may be saving someone's feelings from being hurt & save them a lot of anguish
It's not that hard is it?

For example 

If you know someone is in a relationship but you only invite them to your party/gathering, not their partner, have you stopped & thought about it & the effect it can have on the partner or your friend? 

Don't just assume they will think their partner is invited too

Have you had a think about how awkward you may be making your friend feel by making them ask...ummm is my partner invited too?
Maybe they are afraid to ask because...what if you said No! 

What could your reason be for not inviting them in the first place? You know I have a partner.....Hmmm awkward much?
I've had to do this & it's a really uncomfortable feeling

I know I wouldn't hesitate to ask if my partner was invited & if they weren't then I simply would not go...what ever your reason, I would respect my partners feelings more than I would respect you at that point

Even if you don't like said partner it's the respect for your friend that should matter. 

How much do you value your friend? 

So if you happen to invite someone out make sure you let them know it includes their partner as well even if you haven't meet their partner yet, it's common courtesy yeah? 

If you find yourself in a position where you have to ask if you can bring your partner maybe just accept the invitation and say, yes I & ......./or my partner, will be there, especially if they know you have a partner.

because it could be just be an over site on your friends part.

I'm not talking plus ones that's an entirely different thing, you don't want everyone bringing along some random, it is common courtesy to ask for that....but in my eyes a partner is not a plus one.

There is however no excuse for bad manners by excluding someone! 

Modern Society, what's it coming to?

Just because you can, does not mean you should! 

I see a lot of young people complain about society and the way they are treated
But then I see the same people using degenerative behaviour, posting or liking derogatory things on social media because they think it's funny, sexually objectifying themselves for reason I don't even know or comprehend 
Gender bashing & stereotyping....labelling absolutely everything and anyone 
It seems they have no limits or boundaries on themselves nor do they care or consider the opinions of others
This is a society based on and living by phrases & quotes such as...

'Yolo'
'I do what I want'
'I won't sensor myself to comfort your ignorance'

Using these phrases to justify your actions 
Huh? Isn't that just ignorance in itself? 

We as a society have definitely moved forward in many ways but I find a lot of behaviours & choices quiet primitive & set us back as a whole
They strive to be...What? Different? Stand out?
You know in the end we are all the same...equality right? 
Well some people definitely stand out. But not in a good way 

I see a lot of girls lately sooking up about male (meathead) behaviours but then they post things that totally fuels & encourages that meathead standard...not doing much for the female movement or equality 

Then you have the meatheads that will like it, like a little boy discovering porn for the first time & sharing with his buddies who in turn like it... in effect only encouraging the person to post more.
Not doing much to prove you're not what society thinks you are 

Vicious cycle! 

So I ask you this, as social media is such a big part of life now
what are you contributing to society? 
Does it have the potential to bring more degeneration into this world we live in or the potential to make a difference? 
Should you question yourself? 
How are you portraying yourself?
More importantly
What example are you setting for future generations to follow? 
Is it good or bad & should you care? 
Because yolo! 

Take a look in the mirror because you ARE society & how you're treated is a reflection of how you treat others & how you portray yourself to the world

So basically own you're on crap, ask yourself how am I coming across to be treated this way? 
How can I change it? 
& if you see your friends being meatheads or doing something they should think twice about...don't be afraid to call them out...but in a productive way...you may just give them a different perspective on their behaviour

Think before you post.

I'm finding Social media is bit like reality tv sometimes....it relies on ratings but it's not real life! 
People get sucked in by the "what can I post to get the most likes" it becomes a focus an obsession

I'm not seeing much socializing these days just a whole lot of meaningless drivel & insubstantial post/photos 
Have we lost our basic communication skills, in our quest for likes or gaining internet validation? 
Wasn't social media created for the purpose of communicating? 

For the record I like reading/seeing what you have posted about your day & what you've been up to & No, I don't find it boring at all I enjoy it when you tell me what you had for lunch or you've had a run in with our wonderful public transport system, out with a friend or what you've been making or creating 
I'm interested in what you are doing, I'm interested in you

I'm not going to apologize for not wanting to see porn/nudes/semi nudes whatever in my news feed...there are other places to find that if I was of a mind to
It doesn't need to be on social media

No I'm not a prude or ignorant nor am I uncomfortable with the naked human body
Just time & place is all I'm saying & I don't think social media is it
Life is all about boundaries ones that are there & ones we create for ourselves 
Without them, society becomes chaos

Has me wondering who has actual substance these days.

Eating Disorder Part 1

Feeling like a third party observer

This is based on conversations I have had recently with a young friend experiencing the effects of eating disorder. 

To have Patience is so hard but the road to recovery is neither short nor easy

There will be periods in your life where you may relapse, that’s ok

Acceptance and acknowledgment is the key. Once we accept that we have done this to ourselves and why…and acknowledge that it’s not good for you…..your recovery process can begin.

You are only fighting yourself here, remember that.

I get it, I really do the constant argument you have with yourself...you feel like a third party sometimes listening while mind and body battle it out *sigh you detach yourself from it

It can be such a torment living like this but it’s not just your torment, it’s a torment for everyone who has ever cared about you

They can support, love and encourage but in the end they are utterly helpless, powerless and hopeless over this too

Yes it's normal to feel that way in your current mindset for a lot of people 

Your poor little body is scared, the mind is acting all superior & honestly it's being a bully to your body, & you’re allowing it, so your body is afraid to ask for what it needs, you’re afraid to give your body what it needs because mind says some really horrible things...they aren't working together anymore.

They aren't a team.

Who you are is someone on the outside looking in

They need to find balance again where everyone is happy and safe.

Would you stand up to others being bullied?

So why allow it with in yourself.

What the hell does mind know anyway about what’s right and wrong at the moment because let’s face it, right now mind is unstable, mind can sometimes be a real idiot don’t you think?

 Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies as well. Mind isn't always right.

Oh it’s not that easy, I know.

Gaining back control of the mind is one of the hardest things we ever have to face no matter what the issue may be.

The mind is a powerful tool, for good and bad

Only you can control it though, only you can accomplish this.

I guess your body is feeling sad because you’re not listening to its needs anymore & disregarding how it feels in favor of mind, it is just not accepting of food
Body wants to help, by every now and then maybe craving for sustenance, letting you know it still needs you, but you give it and then take it back or you just don’t give it at all

So body keeps quiet
You could give body just one grain of rice and mind will say it's wrong but only because you’re not paying complete attention to it anymore, you are starting to focus on getting body well again mind is losing control of the situation, so says nasty things...mind is being a bit selfish but you believe it

Not sure how we get to that point...for some of us it’s unintentional for others it’s a calculated quest
Maybe mind wasn't doing so well at one point & needed more attention, love & focus.
Somewhere along the way we forgot about body & because mind is the more dominant & we often take body for granted things like this happen
But it's ok, it's something we can fix and work on

With the right tools in place, the correct strategies and most of all a good support team, believe me when I tell you this is an achievable thing.

One of the best tool’s you will ever have is the power of positive thinking.

I cannot emphasize how important self-talk is.

You are already doing it, do you realize?

Look at how good you are at it; you have convinced your mind that this is how it should be only.... it’s negative

It’s time to stop holding yourself apart from the battle and letting mind do what it wants to body, it’s time for you to step up and take back control bring it all back in balance

So now instead of convincing yourself of the bad things you need to turn that around and focus on telling yourself the good things, over and over and over, never stop with the positive reinforcement

Believe me this will be your most powerful weapon but it will take time to repair all the damage so again patience is needed, and baby steps 

FOOD IS NOT THE ENEMY

We need to repair our relationship with food.

Just only what you can comfortably hold, no more for now is what I would suggest, small light meals but nourishing, like soup or fruit & reassure mind its ok & mind can't survive without body so they better start getting along 

But honestly if you over eat or try to force your poor abused stomach to hold more than it can, you will only resent it later on and want to get rid of it

Your body needs to be trained to take food and this can’t be rushed
numbers are the enemy here and how we let them control us…the number on the scales, the amount of calories we consume…the sizing on our clothes…

Depending on how sever & what stage your disorder is…

EXERCISE IS NOT AN ENEMY EITHER

Maybe do some light stretching, yoga or something just for now nothing drastic or strenuous. It doesn't need to be

No cardio...it’s about you gaining back your control with your mind, not punishing your body & running it into the ground

That way you can tell yourself you're doing something good for your body which you will be but not going overboard or putting too much strain on it & you will be doing something productive for your mind.
But it's all about limits even if it's only 5 mins you tell yourself it's enough & you did good…& you stick to it.

Change that rigorous body bashing mindset that you have

Would it be too much for you & can you control it?
Maybe just think about it for now...be gentle with yourself ask you’re Dr or mental health teams advice, always…you are number one & you do deserve to be, it’s the only number you should be concerned with

Just remember your body is your vehicle through life & you need to take care of it
Without your body.....well mind doesn't have any way to get around does it?

Your body does a lot for you and gets you around...you need to respect it & so does mind... Hmmm cliché I know but it's true, I have learnt.

I am not a health professional and I can’t replace that, professional help is so important & imperative to your recovery. Listen to them, I cannot stress that enough… my words are just from my experience and from speaking with others….everyone is different

Baby steps, don’t rush it.

It takes time to find a good balance and what works for you

There is so much more to this subject and I could write for hours.

I actually still have a plan set in place just in case I ever need it; I have been in recovery now for over 20 years with only one relapse to date

Part of my success is:

I do not own a set of scales nor will allow them in the house; this only promotes and encourages the obsessive behavior/habits that it took so long to break

I do watch what I eat but I also enjoy my food now, I am sensible about the need for food and I enjoy indulging occasionally - guilt free

I do not count calories

I do not allow myself to stand in front of the mirror and critique, a quick outfit check and I’m out the door or if I am feeling a little crap I skip it altogether…it’s not necessary

All of this I had to learn and it was hard, very hard, learning new behaviors and changing yourself is a really difficult thing to do.

Don’t ever give up or say it’s too hard; you made you this way so you also have the power to undo it.

Nothing worth having in life is ever easy, so suck it up, because fixing it starts with you.  You can do this  <3

One of my favorites

I try to remember this =)